Commitment

I guess I have issue with commitment.

I always wants to get married. I want to have children of my own. I want to have someone who always there for me. Physically and mentally. I want someone to hold at night, to listen to me at 3am . I want someone who there for me, support me and never want anything else than me. I want someone who accept my flaws and understand than I am not perfect.

I don't want long distance relationship. I want somebody here, for me. Whenever I need him. I don't want to have a relationship on phone. I don't want relationship based on money status or, education status. I need someone who make me as his first priority. Who accept me even If I lie to him, so many times. Who always listen to what I like, and what I don't like. Who care for my feeling.

I am afraid for being alone again. I'm afraid of being let down. Im afraid that life surprises me in a way I couldn't accept it. I'm afraid I don't have enough courage to fight for it. Because I still have doubt. Or maybe I'm still waiting for the same person. ?

Whatever it is, I'm tired of planning. Tired of waiting. Tired of expecting. Tired of trying so hard.

When your mind conflicted with your heart, which one do you choose?