Tuesday, 22 November 2016

Chapter 5 : The Time You Thought of Ending your own Life.

Been more than a year since i left the Challenge. Forgive me.


I have thought of ending my life. Even though i was name Appy, it doesn't stop me from thinking like everyone else.

There are times where i feel so hopeless, so unwanted, tired and doesn't have the strength to face  another day.

I thought no one will love me anymore, but I hold on to the quote where God wont give challenge if He knows you cant handle it. And these challenges are the stepping stone for you to grow up. You just have to get over it, go through it or step on it. Whatever makes you feel strong. Or just sleep on it. :)


Whenever you feel or thought about ending your life, REMEMBER, there are people who wish to be alive for another day.




Keep praying and Everything will be alright. 

Here Comes November

Hello ...

Been a while since the last entry..:)

A lot has been happening.. Family, Workplace, Love...

But forget about all of it, because its NOVEMBER !!

It's the month i've been waiting for actually. Been a while since i am excited for birthdays. Never really celebrate a birthday on my own. Not the one that i really remember. The only birthday that i really remember is

1) When I received my UPSR result. My parents throw a party for me, with a cake with book design. I don't know how my mom did it, but its the first i feel celebrate for me. ( even though im sharing the night with my sister, since we share the same birthday month).

2) When I'm in Form 5, it was SPM season. So my hostel mates decide to throw the old traditional birthday celebration. I was thrown with mud and stinky eggs, laundry water and my toiletries was been kept away. I have to stay wet for 1 hour when i decide to hug everyone who involved. They say they have been waiting for my birthday, because its the only time they can celebrate (meaning , to throw stinky mud and eggs all over me ), since my birthday is during the school holidays.

3) I was 19 when my birthday was celebrated in the club.I remember they have the fire thingy where you have to sip it untill its finish, and YES together with the fire. It was quite a day, because earlier that day the car that we ride in was out of gas, and we have to push it untill the next gas station.

and the rest of my years was celebrate via SMS's, WhatsApp messages, Facebook and Instagram comments. Not that i appreciate it, i really DO appreciate everyone wishes, but it must be good to celebrate it with someone we really love.

For this birthday, i wish for

1) Good Health. I want to keep my health in check. Not only me, but my family nad my Mr Cali as well. I want them to be in good condition because i really hate getting a phone where they call me antelling me bad news.

2) Good Wealth. Im not verry good with money. I know that :). That's why i want to learn to save money. I probably need to find a way to generate money, since i might need more. My finance is ok, with my lifestyle at this moment, but f it added with my siblings needs, I always be broke by the end of the month. I need something to make sure my finance can get me steady in at least 2 months, when suddenly my job does not requires me one day.

3) Love Life. I love my life, and the people in it. And i want to keep it that way. Some people might make me frustrating all the time, and some time nerve wrecking to the head. But i still love them, because their character made me who I am today. They teach me how handle difficult people.

4) Live Life. I want to live my life as much as I can, as happy as I can be. I want to make people around me happy. I want to make my family and my Mr Cali happy.


Happy Birthday to all November Babies.

My sister Sunny and Theclas, My cousins, Meo, Cliff, Alysa, my colleagues, Alex, angkol William, and Jonathan, My fruit child, Danzel.


Sunday, 31 July 2016

I'm Sorry For...

I'm sorry for talking too much.
I'm sorry for asking too many questions.
I'm sorry for the silly question i asked.
I'm sorry for repetitive question i ask.
I'm sorry for trying to make conversation.
I'm sorry for trying to make our conversation interesting.

I must have lost muse.
I must have lost stories to tell.
Imust have lost interest.

I'm sorry for trying.